Self Awareness & The Ego

The word “ego,” often has a negative connotation, especially if you're speaking about someone. Most people believe it’s synonymous to arrogance or pride, but that's not exactly what it is. We are all responsible for our ego, because we actually created it in our own minds. 

“The ego refers to the self-identity you’ve constructed throughout your life…The ego was created through your thoughts and, as a mind-created identity, has no concrete reality.”
— Thibaut Meurisse

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I recently took a questionnaire from an emotions workbook. It had me rate on a 1-10 scale how true the following statements were. All of the statements had to do with ego to some degree. I was shocked at my own answers and truthfully, I was even a little disappointed in myself. I have always had strong convictions about being humble, generous, and avoiding egocentric behavior at all costs.

Clearly, I didn’t realize that my people pleasing behavior was also feeding my ego. I was identifying myself through a very superficial lens. Generally, I think of myself as being an easy-going person who is also non judgmental. I even think most of my friends and family would agree with this. My husband always comments on the fact that I don’t know how to take a compliment.

And yet, here I am being defensive of my ego. I would never admit to the fact that I thrive on the approval of others and make comparisons too easily. In working on myself, I’ve been able to be truly honest and make some needed changes. I just wanted to share some of my answers from the beginning of my journey.

I’m warning you, some are cringeworthy.

Whether you find similarities or differences to your own answers on this scale, consider that we are all responsible for keeping our egos alive. Some people identify their ego with things, people, accomplishments, and so on.

Many of us don’t even realize how much of our identity is intertwined in these external factors. These things don’t really have importance in life, unless WE believe them to be.

We feed our own egos with our own thoughts and the importance we place on these external factors. 

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Is ego good or bad?

“The ego is neither good or bad; it's just a result of lack of self awareness. It fades away as you become aware of it since ego and self awareness cannot coexist.” — Thibaut Meurisse

Here is a list of things ego likes to derive its identity from, listed in Thibaut’s  “Master Your Emotions.”

• Your body

• Your name

• Your gender

• Your nationality

• Your culture

• Your family/friends

• Your beliefs (political, religious etc.)

• Your personal story (your interpretation of the past and expectations of the future)

• Your problems (illnesses, financial situation, victim mindset)

• Your age 

• Your job

• Your social status

• Your role (as employee, homemaker, parental status etc.)

• Material items (your house, car, clothes, phone, etc.)

• Your desires

I think there’s a lot of things on this list that I didn’t consider to be a contributing factor to my ego. After digesting the information, I can better understand how people, including myself, often make decisions based on ego. There are many things I want to accomplish in my life, but I refuse to let “ego” be a driving force in my decision making. My goal is to ask myself a couple of questions before making big decisions to ensure I’m not letting my ego control my emotions and actions. Here are the two questions:

1. Who benefits from this?

2. Does this decision coincide with my core values and identity? Or, is this a craving of my ego?

I think it’s important to take a step back and look at the situation honestly. If I am the only person that benefits from a situation and its putting someone else down, I think it’s safe to say I’m being selfish. I think there’s always room to lift everyone up in a situation. I just want to be sure that I’m always being true to myself and not choosing things that support my ego. I now understand that the ego loves to compare and is never satisfied.

It also has a strong craving to feel superior to others. We are human and are all confronted with these negative ideas, but we don’t have to let these feelings impact our emotions and our decisions.

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Can we let go of our ego?

Yes! Absolutely! Self awareness is the ultimate goal. Not only does self awareness benefit your emotions and decision making, but it will also enhance your relationships. Miscommunication and arguments often occur when two people react based on emotion. If you can take a minute and think about the ego and how it might be affecting a situation, it becomes much easier to find a positive and productive solution to any problem. 

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We are all more than the things we have, the people we know, and the accolades we’ve achieved. Don’t let ego shadow your true identity or burden your soul.

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