The Power of Forgiveness
Everyone has experienced feelings of resentment, anger, and frustration at some point in their lives. Whether these feelings are buried deep in your psyche or skimming near the surface, they can be affecting your physical health. Holding onto these feelings will eventually lead to irritability, depression, and/or anxiety.
When you are experiencing these negative feelings, your body has a physiological response. It can cause an increase in heart rate, blood pressure, and even cholesterol levels.
The long term effects of anger can lead to a higher risk of several medical conditions including heart disease, diabetes, and depression. For those who are overthinkers and tend to dwell on emotional remnants from the past, you may not even realize you have been harboring negative feelings.
Forgiveness can be your gateway to resolving these feelings. Practicing forgiveness also lowers stress levels which has many great benefits for your overall health and wellbeing. Here are some potential benefits:
Healthier relationships
Improved mental health
Less anxiety, stress, and hostility
Lower blood pressure
Fewer symptoms of depression
A stronger immune system
Improved heart health
Improved self-esteem
So how do we practice forgiveness? Forgiveness is actually more than saying you forgive someone. It’s more like a process; there is a series of thoughts and actions that have to occur in order to truly forgive. It is not something that happens immediately, but rather, takes time.
In doing my research, I found several articles describing 4,5,7, up to 9 steps towards forgiveness. From Dr. Ned Hallowells’ 4 steps (featured by Oprah), to Stanford University's Forgiveness Project listing 9 keys to forgiveness, there were a handful of objectives that these lists had in common.
This overview, meshes some of these concepts together for simplicity. When it comes down to it, the number of steps is irrelevant. It’s about going through the process.
The first step is acknowledging your feelings.
This is found through true expression of your feelings. Being truthful with yourself can be very challenging. First, we have to determine what caused these feelings. The examples being, “I am angry because...or I was hurt that this happened…”The second step is understanding that forgiveness is for YOU.
Condoning someone for their actions will not lead you towards forgiveness. This concept encourages you to be realistic with your feelings and ask yourself , “what do you want out of this?” and “can I empathize with the other person/s involved?” Honest reflection is the main concept in this step.The final step is making a decision and taking action.
Turning negative feelings into something productive is a great way to let them go. If you can make the decision not to be burdened or affected by someone else’s words/actions and then go do something about; having that power can hopefully eradicate those painful feelings. In a way, its similar to facing your fears and finding success.
Here are a few ideas to help move you forward:
Tell your story to a non-biased friend.
Sometimes an outside perspective that you can trust and who can see all sides, can be beneficial. Just make sure you pick someone who will be completely honest with you, while making you feel heard.
Take the time to focus on yourself and do the work!
“Let that Sh*t Go!” By Monica Sweeney is a fun and quick workbook and journal that helps to identify stressors in your life. She has a sarcastic, but direct way of getting down to the root of your issues and forcing you to take action using very simple exercises.
Seek a professional.
Sometimes you can’t do it alone. If you feel like you are struggling with something, but you can’t acknowledge why something is holding you back, see a professional who is trained to help. Life is too short to be burdened by anger and sadness.
These are just a few basic ideas. If you are working through some sort of trauma, professional help is best. There are so many resources regarding this topic. I was surprised to see the various classes, seminars, and programs that teach about forgiveness.
There are programs for all ages and all backgrounds. The process of forgiveness is much more complicated than anyone would think. Everyone needs forgiveness and can learn to forgive others as well. Sometimes the best revenge is success, and in turn forgiving yourself.
Something for now!!
From the author of bestselling journal Zen as F*ck, Monica Sweeney gives the gift of letting go with this journal for leaving your bullsh*t behind and creating a happy life.
Harboring grudges and plotting revenge takes a lot of energy. While the wait for one true moment of schadenfreude sounds oh so sweet, true bliss can be found in simply not giving a f*ck.
Something for later!!
FORGIVING WHAT YOU CAN’T FORGET
Coming Out November 2020
You deserve to stop suffering because of what other people have done to you.
Have you ever felt stuck in a cycle of unresolved pain, playing offenses over and over in your mind? You know you can't go on like this, but you don't know what to do next. Lysa TerKeurst has wrestled through this journey. But in surprising ways, she’s discovered how to let go of bound-up resentment and overcome the resistance to forgiving people who aren’t willing to make things right.
