5 Steps to Take Control of Your Emotions

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Emotions are complicated and can be difficult to deal with. They can last for a second, or be a burden for a lifetime. The good news is that we have some control over this. The book, Master Your Emotions by Thibaut Meurisse changed my perspective about dealing with my recent ups and downs. It’s taken a lot of time for me to understand that emotions are fleeting. They are meant to come and go, as well as be a guide in your life. Another lesson I’ve learned is that you can’t learn from them if you don't let yourself feel them. More importantly, you can't grow from them. I can’t describe how freeing it is not to carry the weight of my emotions all the time. In fact, I can say I’m a much happier version of myself than ever before. 

It’s common for people to identify with their feelings, and when that happens, it’s hard to let them go. The longer the feelings stay, the easier it becomes for you to sink back into them. The fact is, everyone experiences sadness, maybe even depression at some point in their lives. We cannot expect to always be happy. Being happy 100% of our lives would be impossible, yet many people have set themselves up for failure by subconsciously adhering to this impossible goal. Our goal should be to separate our sense of identity from our emotions, because our emotions do not define who we are as people.

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How do they affect us positively and negatively?

When we are thinking negatively, everything around us becomes negative also. It’s difficult to enjoy things in life when you're focused on the negative. When you start off having a “bad” day, you also tend to see the negative aspects of every situation. The same argument can be made for positive thinking. When you find gratitude in the little things, you tend to see the good in everything around you. You become a person who exudes positivity and gets it back in return.

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How can we better approach negative feelings?

Next time you’re upset, try to avoid making statements such as, “I am sad.”  Do not blame yourself for having these feelings, or question your identity for feeling a certain way. Instead, note that you are feeling sad in the moment and let yourself feel it. It’s okay you’re experiencing sad feelings, just know that the feeling won’t last, and that this feeling is trying to tell you something. Do you need to end a relationship? Leave your current job? While it can be difficult in the moment, it helps to stand outside of yourself and ask, why are you feeling this way?

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Emotions and Happiness 

According to Sonia Lyubomirsky, author of The How of Happiness, happiness is influenced by 50% genetics, 40% internal factors, and 10% external factors. Yet most people attempt to find happiness in the small margins of external factors. External factors can be described as things (cars and clothes), or being single/married, or your education level. These are outward things that people tend to identify themselves with. We often hear stories about people with extreme fame and wealth who suffer from depression and people wonder, “how could they be unhappy when they have everything?” If you only identify your self worth with external factors, it's impossible to stay happy.

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How can we let our emotions go?

Thibaut Meurisse describes 5 steps to letting go of your emotions in his book, Master Your Emotions. Try this as an exercise today, and see how it goes. 

5 steps to letting go of your emotions 

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Step 1

• Focus on a certain emotion you want to work on

Step 2

• Ask yourself:

1. Can I let this feeling go?

2. Can I allow this feeling to be here?

3. Can I welcome this feeling?

Step 3

• Ask yourself “would I?”

1. Would I let this feeling go?

2. Would I allow this feeling?

3. Would I welcome this feeling?

• Answer the questions with yes/no

Step 4

• Ask yourself When?

• The answer will be, “Now.” You let go of the emotion immediately.

Step 5

• Repeat this process till the feeling goes away

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I realize that it almost sounds too easy, but once you try it a few times, it becomes much easier. I hope this process can help you deal with emotions in a positive way. Meurisse goes into further detail and explanation in his book about different techniques to try. Distraction from your emotions, as well as taking action are different ways to help deal with emotions.

A distraction could be listening to music or going outside for a walk and removing yourself from a situation. Taking action could be talking to the person/s who might be the source of that emotion. Different strategies work for different people, but it all starts with understanding what emotions are. Just remember that emotions are based off of your own individual experiences and thoughts. They are just thoughts and not facts about yourself. 

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**If you find yourself unable to detach from your emotions and feeling like your drowning in them, please consider getting help from a professional. 

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